Running Away

Procrastination...putting things off...running away... from things that we don't want to do. From things that need to be done. I never knew myself to be a procrastinator, but in my last year of college and now, I'm definitely realizing how much of one that I am. I try to bury myself in reading a book, cleaning (or attempting to), or working on other small things on my mental to-do lists to avoid the important things. Why?

Perhaps because it's so easy to run away from what God's calling us to do when we don't want to do it, or when we don't know how to do it. And I find it very frustrating when I know that I'm doing just that, yet I struggle to get back on course. One of my Lenten promises was to write some each week, but I haven't. In that, I have failed and I am upset with myself. Since I graduated from high school and geared up to start college, I was determined that I was going to write my book. Every Christmas and summer break I came home with the same intentions. And here I've had several months since I graduated from college, with not a whole lot of pressing things to do, and still I put it off. What's keeping me from pursuing my goal and what I feel God's calling me to do? I'm not sure, and that adds more frustration. Fear? I think so. Lack of book-writing knowledge? I think so. Lack of writing experience? I think so. And lots of other excuses? Most definitely.

So I know that I need to face my fears and excuses and just do it. But still I struggle.

How do I go about this, Lord? I'm seeking your guidance. Please help me to face my fears, overcome my struggles, and just write. I know that I can trust in You and You will guide me. Here I am, Lord. Let not my will, but thy will be done. Amen.